I am reading more now. The challenge currently remains being able to remember what I read. So, now I have a notebook where I can write things down to help facilitate the memories. I looked through the notebook this morning because I did remember there were things I had written down that spoke to me when I initially read them. This post will be a melding of two thoughts I found in my notebook this morning. The first is from Project Happiness, a site I follow on Facebook.
“I hope I never tire of night sky, of thunderstorms,
of watching cream make galaxies in my coffee.
I hope I never grow to be someone who
can no longer see the small beautiful things.”
And, the second:
“Pursue some path, however narrow and crooked,
in which you can walk with love and reverence.”
***Henry David Thoreau
Spring has finally come into her own around here. Trees have unfurled their tender, bright chartreuse leaves, red bud, cherry, lilac, dogwood and magnolia are heavy with buds and blossoms. Their heady scents travel on soft breezes and make us inhale and then sigh. A kaleidoscope of birds bicker over the perches on the bird feeders. In the distance the Baltimore Oriole chimes in.
Here and there around our property flowers are beginning to raise their tender heads towards the spring sun. Daffodils, Hepatica, violets, trillium, coltsfoot, toadshade, Solomon’s seal, dog tooth violets, bluebells…….it is a pretty time of year.
So, these two quotes came together for me and here is what they whispered to me:
On whatever path I am given or choose to travel on, it is important to always walk alongside reverence and wonder. I hope I will never lose sight of the “small, beautiful things” that are on the path my feet, heart and soul walk along.
Even on the uneven and challenging parts of the path, there are reminders of wonder and hope everywhere. In seeing and feeling them, a rough and bumpy patch on the path may seem to not be so long after all. Sights, sounds, sensations cascade over us with delight and wonder. The fragrance of the lilac carried to us on a soft breeze that caresses our cheek. The song of the warbler that makes us look up to see the yellowy puff ball perched on a branch calling to his partner nearby.
Even when the ground we walk on, the path we are taking becomes tiresome or challenging, there is some small thing, always, that can make the effort so worthwhile and not just unavoidable, or just a necessity. If we can but give ourselves permission to see/ experience these gentle moments with awe, love and reverence, we will find comfort and encouragement.
So it is these days here as I slowly heal, recover and regain myself. The hard parts always hold a thread of hope, promise, encouragement if I can only allow myself to see the offerings as hopeful, inspiring and meet them with reverence and gratitude my walk gains a bounce of lightness and even wonder.
I still need to give myself a pep talk when the day seems to present obstacles and discomfort. I am nudged by birdsong, bright yellows and pinks, and the unmistakable scent of lilacs and my focus and thoughts shift, just like that. It isn’t really work, or hard to do. All I need do is be mindful of these moments and pause long enough for awareness and appreciation to be sensed and brought to the forefront of my thoughts, and then gratitude trickles into my heart and being and I am comforted and calmed even as I stand on a bumpy path.
No matter the path I am walking, chosen or not, I can always strive to walk gently, mindfully, with reverence, even when the way seems foggy or unclear. There will always be a song, a melody, a spoken word, a flash of color or a hint of rain scent or flower perfume to remind me to allow space for wonder, hope, and beauty even as I feel off balance and a little lost.
Let me be clear, I can write these words but struggle in the living of frustrations, sadness, grief, pain just like everyone else. Recovering from this aneurysm has been a challenge and sometimes painful, often uncomfortable, and the final outcome remains a mystery.,
It is too easy for me to wallow in frustration, even anger. I got myself two “mantra” bracelets to help remind me of where my choices lie. Now, during a moment of frustration or resentment I glance at my wrist and find the reminders to take a deep breath and pause to become mindful of the beautiful things I am surrounded by. It helps. When I am grieving and long for pre-aneurysm Kathy, when the future seems unclear, when I have to have yet another painful procedure, when I am too tired to do anything, when I can’t remember what I just read, my bracelets remind me to pause, walk with love and reverence, and there I do see (hear, feel and smell) the small, beautiful things. And with hardly any effort, I turn off the path I am on and go instead along the one lined with love, reverence and a quiet and gentle gratitude for being here, able to experience this at all.