Good morning!! As I continue to heal it is ironic that I have ordered a dozen books to read, but still struggle to read because of short term memory failings. As soon as I turn a page in a book I have to go back because I have forgotten what I just read.
Yet, here I am using a quote from a book I am reading because it struck a chord that held long enough for me to remember it!! The book is: “Magic In Plain Sight–When acceptance is the healing” by Patricia Heavren.
“Waiting, hoping, (listening) for the “map” to reveal itself. The human narrative, etched by the soul, never fails to tip its hand by exploring a kind of treasure map, a place where “X” marks the spot where something of value is buried. It isn’t the kind of map used to plot a path from one place to another. It’s more the type found behind smooth glass in kiosks stationed at a mall entrance where “X” has an accompanying message;”
“You are here.”
I AM here!! Friends we hadn’t seen in years stopped by yesterday and it was wonderful. Joanie had recently had a similar experience with a cerebral hemorrhage. As I answered the questions she had for me, I saw the switch of complete understanding click on behind her eyes. I wasn’t going to have to go into babbling depth about what I was experiencing. She had experienced it herself and understood exactly what I was describing.
As I wander around what does kind of feel like the mall of my life, big and little compartments of various experiences and memories, I do sometimes get lost. I don’t seem to be able to get back to the place I want to be. It makes me frazzled until I find the “guide” and stand rigid in front of it almost demanding that it do it’s thing and get me to where I want to be.
I take a small step back as the words next to the “X” scream out at me: “YOU ARE HERE”.
Lights flash and bells whistle in my mind. Of course I am “here”. And suddenly, understanding where I actually am, that frustration and fear fall back. I am here. I am ok. I will be able to get back to the treasure…..where I will be healthy and healed. I understand there are “Maps” that will help guide me: therapy, will power, family, friends and doctors. But, I have to, at least for now, have a shared, agreed upon safe spot where we can meet if we become separated or lost. That place is the place marked by an “X”,”You are here.” I can only go forward from where I am.
Just like that mall guide I stood demandingly in front of, waiting for it to tell me how to get “there”, it instead told me where I was, “HERE”. And that was the map. I had to understand where I was in order to figure out how to get where I wanted to be otherwise I might stay lost, wandering, searching. Knowing where I am (recovery) is the first step in reading the map to get to where I want to be (healed).
I get tripped up sometimes and take a wrong turn here and there, but I’ll get to where I want to be! For now I am here. Looking around I can see in all directions. I know if I stay grounded in being “Here” that I can get to “There”.
So many of you help by lining up along the path waving me forward in the right direction. You are beacons for me, holding me true to the way, making sure that I always remember that to get to the finish line I must know the route. I’ll get there thanks to your guidance!