“Sometimes the easiest way to appreciate ourselves
is by looking through the eye of someone who loves us.”
(Feb. 28, 2015)
I carry a fair share of self doubt and lack of confidence around. I am prone to feeling I could have/should have done more. I trip over thoughts about whether I am smart enough, creative enough. We all have thoughts of self doubt and experience lack of confidence.
During the past few years I’ve been working on listening to others…hearing them and the words they speak. I try not to interrupt or interject my thoughts and perspectives. I try to listen through their experiences not through mine.
Curiously, there have been a handful of times when the words I heard opened my own heart and gifted me an unexpected blessing: to be able to appreciate myself by looking through the eye of someone who loves me.
The experiences were humbling. The insight made me feel foolish for wallowing in self doubt and holding tight to the lack of confidence.
When those pesky thoughts of doubt and uncertainty creep into my thoughts I take that little, tiny moment, like the pause between a breath, and recall those life stirring words. I am uplifted.
The words that provided this new lens to look through, to see how others saw and felt about me were not grandiose, ego inflating words of praise. They were the words my daughter shared about when she had her own moment of insight into her love for us, her parents. They were the words of my son who thanked us for being who we are and raising him as we did. They were the words of a niece who commented that I seemed so comfortable with who I was. They were the words of a young parent who was grateful for my stories of parenting. They were the words of a friend who thanked me for friendship. Words and thoughts that could have fallen victim to the spell of doubt and lack of self esteem if I had not had the courage to listen to the spoken words and hear them. To hear them as the individual’s personal truth that could not be subjected to my self doubt. I am guilty of sometimes feeling my love is not strong enough, that my choices may be flawed, that my perspectives may be unbalanced, that my caring for a friend may not be strong enough. Self doubt at full strength.
Listen to and hear the words offered to you that unlock the lens to see through the eye of one who loves you. Understand that you are of importance to others and take a breath in and allow yourself to appreciate you for the person you are. The real person you are. Unadorned, imperfect, growing, fallible, honest, truthful, rough around the edges, caring. It matters. Those may be the qualities that matter most to those who love you. They may be part of your secret beauty.
“When we see the secret beauty of anyone,
including ourselves, we see past our judgment and fear
into the core of who we truly are –
not an entrapped self but the radiance of goodness.”
~ Tara Brach